And the lightning frightens me

I’m safe with You inside.

In Your strong fortress, I will be.

In Your castle, the walls are strong

And thick too.

In here I belong with You

You will never leave me.

For these walls are impenetrable

No harm can come to me.

While I still reside here with You.

You wrap me in Your arms

And keep me safe

And I will stay with You forever and ever,

My father.

Why do you seem to hate me so much?

Am I annoying you?

What have I done?

When we’re with others you’re all smiles.

When it’s jut me you’re moody.

I’m not flirting, I want to be friends.

Why do you seem to hate me so much?

I thought you were warm like the Sun

But you’re cold, like the ice coming our way.

What can I do to let you know I care,

Without seeming soppy?

Because I do care,

I want you to be my friend, what’s stopping us?

I promise you it’ll be nothing more.

Why are you so withdrawn,

why are you friends with my friends, but not me?

I don’t understand you, I really don’t…

And I don’t think I ever will.

What’s with you?

Why do you hate me?

Did I hurt you?

What have I done?

I’m not supposed to be here

I’m not supposed to be with you

Of all people you could have chosen

It’s me you want.

But I don’t want you

I’m not sure I want to do this

What you’re suggesting

I don’t think I trust you

I don’t like you that way.

This idea is wrong

This whole thing is wrong

You are wrong.

I didn’t choose you

I don’t want you.

I don’t want you

I definately don’t want to do

What you’re suggesting

I know I don’t trust you

I don’t like you at all.

Leave me alone

I’m not the one for you

I don’t want to hurt your feelings

But what we’re doing is wrong

Promise you won’t want me at all.

I don’t want to say afterwards:

‘I didn’t want you

I didn’t want to

But I did what you suggested

I didn’t trust you

I didn’t like you at all.’

I’m not giving myself to you

I don’t trust

I don’t like you

I don’t want you

I don’t want to do

what you’re suggesting

I don’t trust you at all

I don’t like you at all

This is wrong.

I don’t want you

It’s wrong.

they say in cartoons on the big screen.

I do.  I put my hand over my heart,

which still beats.

Hear the thud thud thud

Of the blood, pushing through

arteries, veins, valves, cells.

But what happens

if, for whatever reason,

one day, it stops?

Will an ambulance, white and wailing

flashing blue and red

deliver you to your hospital bed?

Will loved ones crowd around, you,

tubes snaking everywhere,

hoping, praying, waiting?

Will that person you thought was

‘the one’,

will they still be there

by your side

holding your cold limp hand?

What if.

What if it’s too late.

They’ve gone.

Your time of death

Casually said.

What if there’s more to life,

More than meets the eye,

In the street of life we walk on by?

the wind in my hair

Icy cold in my face

Eyes watering

Fixed on a hill

A city, shining?

That is my goal,

what I and many others focus on.

But what lies ahead for you,

You who are blind,

Cannot hear what He is saying?

Only darkness awaits you,

Only an everlasting, morbid, fiery, evil

excruciating

Hell.  Where Lucifer is imprisoned

and has never thrown a party,

no plastic tridents and horns.

I long for the day

when I can embrace

My heavenly Father

And be made perfect.

What a day,

But I can’t imagine those who

don’t know Him, who despise and reject –

How can I live with myself

When I will see them burn,

Because I feared they’d spurn

The Gospel that I long to share.

But hold back, not ‘cos I don’t care.

I forget the one who truly loves me

And push Him out the way.

Who is always out of their comfort zone

And always raring for action?

Opportunities slip by,

I grow lukewarm

And fade to grey.

To keep my mind at ease.

Surely if it’s with me

I’ll be able to whip it out

Not Biblebash, obviously,

But prove a point

Prove to the world

You are my everything.

I can’t stand it

when they

scoff, at what was

so dear, I hate

myself for feeling

ashamed and holding

back.  What stops me?

You took the shackles off my feet,

Not only so I could dance

But be the bringer of Good News.

I’ve got a Bible in my bag:

it barely sees the light of day.

The ones forgotten and remembered?

Should I take notice,

Or let them fly away?

Maybe one might come true.

I bathe his gouged-out eyes

and wrap bandages around his guilty head.

From the same womb, we both came,

Same mother. Undone.

Unravelled.

Our clan doomed,

enveloped in shame.

Blood on my father and brother’s hand.

Abandoned.

Someone needs to take care of him.

my flame, my thoughts gone to waste.

They had almost swallowed me.

I gained nothing but they had

nearly all of me.

My Mr Right is nowhere to be seen,

but I’m not ready for him,

yet.  I have a while to wait

But he’ll be worth it.

I’m waiting for someone seeking me,

who’s man enough

to love Jesus more than he loves me.

Rooted in Your wood, a true follower

To spur me on.  Not pull me down

And away from You.  That would never do.

I get easily distracted, every day.

But only You can keep my eyes on the prize

And give me strength to run this race.

Amongst all the guys I know.

O Lord, I know Your will be done

But how can this be so?

O Lord, I know Your love will satisfy,

fill the ‘God-space’ inside,

But I often believe the world’s lie

That in You I don’ t need to confide.

When I do, I really do

Need You, Lord, more than anyone

Else, other lovers who crowd my heart.

O Lord, help me trust in You

No matter what’s thrown at me,

‘Cos I know in everything I do

Inside and beside me You’ll always be.